Shakespeare for Ostomates

I am here, in Hollywood, California, out of a job, nearly out of unemployment benefits, and I'm acting in a play. I've done several plays here. Currently, I'm Lady Capulet in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.

I was a bit worried, last night, that the bag was filling too fast. I thought it might fill up, get too heavy for the adhesive, and pull off my belly while I was performing. Of course, had that happened, my underwear and tights and the long, tight tank shirt I wore under my costume would have held it in place. But what if it overflowed?

I couldn't risk it. I had to go around in front of the theatre, in costume, sneak past a couple of audience members lingering on the sidewalk, and dash up to the theatre offices to use the bathroom. The bag was nowhere near full. I wrapped it carefully in a disposal bag and buried it under all the paper towels in the wastebasket, hoping someone would empty the wastebasket long before any odor could emanate from it.

I got through the performance without giving another thought to the bag. Or did I? I think I felt for it every time I was offstage. I also worried that I might have forgotten to close the end of the fresh bag, so I kept trying to feel for the closure, but since it just rolls and closes with very thin velcro, I couldn't really be sure I had sealed it...

But... at least whenever I was ON the stage, I was completely immersed in being Lady Capulet. Lady Capulet, the ostomate.

Now, if I could only get an important producer or agent to come and see me.

Maybe I'll send out a bunch of headshots and resumes with cards about next weeks performance, tomorrow. For now, I'm going to church, and then to shop, and when I come home I'm making dinner for my cousin.

She'll be here at six. Time flies.